Welp. It happened. It snuck up on me. Today I realized I am a boring parent. Geesh. No wonder my kids are bored! I'm bored out of my skull! How could I not be boring???
How did I get boring?
I've long had this feeling of malaise about motherhood. I love my kids more than anything, don't get me wrong, and I dutifully do homework, PTA, take them to and participate in enrichment/sports, read to them (lots), and occasionally take them on trips.
But, when we're wiling around the house most days, I'm bored out of my mind. I feel confined to the house because they aren't old enough to be home alone.
It's kind of this terrible sensation of
1. feeling like life 'out there' is passing me by, and
2. Wanting to be part of it,but taking the kids places is such drama. They complain, they never want to do the same thing, they want to leave the minute we get there. etc.
Anyway. Long story short. I either don't go places, or I go without them and leave them home with hubby. (We take turns.)
I'm writing this assuming I am not the only mom who has felt like this or been through it. But also because something changed in me today.
It's like something clicked. I don't know if it's permanent, but it's something. Before I talk about the click, let me back up.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how children learn skills and learn how to be grown ups, and I keep coming back to the idea of the apprenticeship. Kids learn about being grown up by watching grown ups around them. Watching us build, fix, work garden, socialize with our friends. etc.
And then I think.Huh.They're learning to be bored by watching me be bored. They're learning to stay home because children as a hassle. What a crappy life lesson.
I also think a lot about what kind of experiences I'd like them to be exposed to, and what kind of things I'd like to show them in the world. And I think well, someday, I'll.... Then it doesn't come because, you know, they complain a lot and are hard to manage when we're out. It's HARD to take them into the world. So we don't go out into it.
Okay. Back to the click. We've been out of school since Dec. 20. OMG. That is so long. We're out of the 'usual' kid stuff we always do. We've had playdates at our house, and they're bored of that. We've done everything we 'usually' do: Christmas, trampoline park, Chuck E Cheese, eating out, etc.
So, this morning, I called up another mom in the same predicament and declared we were all going roller skating. I'm tired of the same old, I like roller skating, the boys have never done it, so let's do it.
I didn't tell my boys what we were doing until we were in the parking lot, because I knew they'd complain. And of course, all they did was whine when we got there. Then I flat out said. "No whining. All I ask is you have an open mind and try it, and if you don't like it, we won't come back again." They agreed ( I was surprised).
So... Background. I played roller derby. I can run, jump, and karate kick on skates, and I love it. It's my fav thing. But I haven't gone for 5 years, because the kids would never go.
We're at the place. We've all got skates on, and within 10 minutes it was a disaster. The boys kept falling. They couldn't seem to put my lessons into action. They were mad, and sat on the sidelines, huffing about wanting to go home. I felt terrible. I felt that feeling of "Why did I bother? Why did I waste the money? Why can't I ever do anything fun?" That I often have when the boys fall apart at some activity.
Then the click. I told them "Fine. Stay right here and I'm going to skate around for a bit."
So they stayed. They pouted. And pouted. Then something happened. The oldest stopped pouting and tried again. And again. Without my intervention. And after a few more rounds he almost got it. He was so close. Sure, the youngest laid down in protest and refused to talk/walk/skate/laugh, but hey, you can't win them all. At least he stayed put and didn't wander off. Apparently, I just have to put wheels on their feet to keep them still. That's a win.
After I skated for a while, I gave the youngest $5 worth of tokens for the arcade and he went off. And I skated some more. Enough to work up a tiny bit of sweat. And, while I could have skated all day, at that point 30-45 minutes was a coup.
After we were in the car, the oldest meekly said he'd be willing to go with me and try it again. Hazzah! Success!
Pardon the long rant. I bring it up because I think the boredom of my daily life is killing me, and I'm sure a lot of people feel the same.
I've always been an on-the-go cultural/experience/travel kind of girl, and that died when I had kids. I've been trying for a long time to figure out how to add it back in with children, and my answer to always go without them is limiting for both me (timewise) and them (missing out on cultural things).
As part of my new year, I'm determined to turn it around for us. I must remind my children to keep an open mind, and I must remind myself the price of staying home because they get a little complainy when going out, is missing out and being bored.
I'm declaring it. No more boring mom. No more boring kids. It's time for some culture, darn it. And it's time to kiss the comfort zone goodbye.
On that note. I'm taking one or both children to free day at the art museum this Sunday. And, I signed the oldest up for his first ski lesson and ski day. (He's 8. It's cub scout day, so deep discount.) He's nervous, but he'll be a natural. I know it.
I've declared it. Death to boredom!
(UPDATE: I forgot to tell you we're also FOOD boring. My oldest is soo picky, we pretty much have to eat burgers every time we eat out, And I'm not much of a Betty Crocker, so I have a limited menu of items I make at home. So yes. Earlier this week, my youngest declared we were going to Indian for lunch (yay!). My biggest had a fit, but we went anyway. He ate white rice and a mango lassi. I tried not to 'nag' him about food, but still. It's disappointing. He's missing out on so much good food. But no more burgers! Death to food boredom!)
OMG. I'm boring! Boring! Boring!
January 3rd, 2017 at 04:31 am
January 3rd, 2017 at 05:17 am 1483420664
January 3rd, 2017 at 11:46 am 1483444004
I'm going to guess it will get better the more you get out and keep trying new things!
January 3rd, 2017 at 02:20 pm 1483453245
January 3rd, 2017 at 02:25 pm 1483453550
January 3rd, 2017 at 02:38 pm 1483454324
January 3rd, 2017 at 03:07 pm 1483456025
January 3rd, 2017 at 03:14 pm 1483456486
When I was young, I learned a lot from a friend's mother. All those activities listed in the newspaper-- you can do them too.
January 3rd, 2017 at 05:07 pm 1483463228
Something I realized happens? That if you don't make the effort to go out it's a lot easier to stay at home and let the kids play and watch tv. All summer I don't let the kids watch tv because we go hiking, swimming, just the whole day at the zoo. I don't have kids that sleep well so that contributed. But there are tons of free activites you just have to look for them. Many working and SAHM say I have to do laundry, dishes, dinner, clean the house, grocery shop, etc. I get it. But at the same time I wonder if it's not contributing to childhood obesity because we let our kids watch a lot of tv?
For me though it's not being bored with the kids. I feel like I've lost myself and I've been consumed with being mom. I am always doing stuff for them. And only recently as in right now do I have something for me. They always take precendence. Whether you work or not that's how parenting feels. Oh they have a sports activity or playdate or party, etc. But I just started working and I'm getting myself back into trying to work part-time and I'm putting it ahead of the kids in someways. Now my DH has to step up and help me more. I always am feeling like I'm doing it for me. So I don't feel so consumed with being mom. I remember who LAL is. I love my kids but I do worry that when my youngest goes to kindergarten I will have all day to clean the house, shop, cook stuff I hate. But truth is I want to do something for me and I am trying to find it now.
I even traded babysitting so I can start working nights without inconvenening my DH too much. Sigh.
January 3rd, 2017 at 05:40 pm 1483465206
Becus it seems that when you decided to go back to skating, it caused your older boy to see how much fun it could be, spurring him to get up and try again. So you may have more leverage than you think!
When they whine and complain and act disinterested, it just means that in their very young years, they don't realize what this new thing called skating (or something else) is all about, and it's up to mom to show them how great it is, which you did.
I agree, the solution is not to just leave them at home. Exposing them to many new life experiences can only benefit them.
January 3rd, 2017 at 06:28 pm 1483468103
January 3rd, 2017 at 10:28 pm 1483482511
I wonder if your children can express interest in any specific activities. Possibly starting with sports. I know there will be a total eclipse next August 17th, is there a program planned in your community? I would visit the library for books/maps of the sky for them to replicate to get familiar with a phenomenon. Do you do bike rides or nature walks? If you like cultural experiences, Chinese New Years January 28th. What events does your Asian community host? Lion dance? beautiful costumes? They call it Year of the Rooster. Will your children eat chicken tenders? Zipper skin oranges? Clementines? tapioca? ...just a thought
January 3rd, 2017 at 11:59 pm 1483487974
January 4th, 2017 at 12:11 am 1483488665
January 5th, 2017 at 02:13 am 1483582390
January 5th, 2017 at 11:10 pm 1483657820
January 6th, 2017 at 04:33 am 1483677218
January 6th, 2017 at 04:53 am 1483678423