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The MIL plan

December 21st, 2016 at 08:33 am

Well, the MIL invades tomorrow. (A day earlier than we'd asked them too, as usual!)

I'm going to meditate more on it today, but I'm pretty sure I have a plan in place.

DH's best friend and wife just stayed with us for two days, and the wife had a similar situation with her sister in law. She addressed it by calmly asking her to repeat herself whenever she made a critical comment or insulted her, then asking her to clarify what she meant.

By worked, she means the criticisms stopped, but of course, the underlying dislike was not addressed. Hey. I'd take that!

That is an idea I've been toying with, and have decided to try. I can't let her insults go. She just gets more aggressive. I figure this is the kindest way to let her know I see what she's doing and I won't let her walk over me.

The key, the wife said, is to not be angry or say anything mean that could possible be reproachable. Calm is the key! That's going to be the hard part, as my blood boils just thinking about her! So yes. meditation today!

Today is the kids first day of winter break. (no stress, really). Thankfully,. that means all the teacher gifts and charity donations have been wrapped, bowed, delivered.

I baked almond poppy seed bread for neighbor gifts this morning. They're all baking in the over and will be delivered with cards later this afternoon.

Most of my Christmas wrapping and Santa clausing is done. Boy being Santa is hard work. Especially because I have to wait until the kids are asleep after 9:30 to start wrapping!

Sadly, though, I realized one of my packages for DS1 has disappeared into the ether. Barnes and Noble said it shipped on Dec. 17, but USPS said it's still waiting to get the package. So yes. One gift missing.

And, I hope my sister won't be disappointed that she didn't get a ton of gifts from me. Her list was a mile long, but she owns so much stuff. Hopefully she'll understand. But she's a 46 year old woman with the insides of a 17 year old, so it could go either way.

Also, we always go in together on a gift for my mom, and after I'd bought and organized $200 worth of stuff, (A night at a cabin for mom, plus fancy dinner at the Inn) sister said she was broke and would pay me if she ever got the money. (at the same time, she's always buying stuff online and posting her purchases on FB...) So yeah... I'm on the hook for all that.

Which is fine, but still.

Guess I'll try to enjoy my house today, for it's my last day of peace until the MIL leaves!

14 Responses to “The MIL plan”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    I think you have a good plan. The staying calm will be the hardest part! I will keep you in thought and prayer this season. Might be too late to change this...but we never wrapped the santa gifts, only gifts from us under the tree. Saved so much time!

  2. scottish girl Says:

    It sounds like a good plan!

  3. snafu Says:

    {{{Hugs}}} sending best vibes, please remember we're all rooting for you! One of my fav. responses to nasty, negative Nora's was 'why would you say that?" in the most pleasant voice I could manage. To questions, 'why would you ask that'? The resultant reaction is remarkable.

  4. Carol Says:

    Maybe your "secret weapon" is knowing that you have friends in cyberspace who are rooting for you! Do your best to have a lovely Christmas! Hugs.

  5. PatientSaver Says:

    I think that's a pretty good idea...it's almost like dealing with a child who blurts things out without thinking. By asking her to repeat herself, it draws attention to what she said and gives her a chance to "rephrase."

  6. ceejay74 Says:

    I hope your sister won't have the gall to be disappointed about not getting her whole Xmas list when she didn't even chip in for the shared mom gift!

    Good luck with MIL. My BIL is a challenge for me and I found it really helped to coach myself before his recent visit not to get embroiled in political discussions with him. And it was the weekend before Election Day, so it was practically all anyone could think of to talk about! I did really well until about an hour before he left, when I had a bit of an outburst about a particularly dumb talking point he'd been repeating all weekend. Oh well, at least I waited until the end!

  7. Bluebird Says:

    Best wishes for an enjoyable holiday! You have several weapons in your arsenal, and you'll persevere! So sorry your sister didn't contribute to your mom's gift. Maybe next year, you can give your mom's gift separately from your sister. :-)

  8. My English Castle Says:

    Oh man, my late MIL was the same. She really wound me up. Sometimes I'd just stare at her quizzically but I'm not sure if it ever helped. When my former SIL left my husband's brother (got that?) we became bonded forever about our mutual issues with their mom. And she had it so much worse; we lived 3500 miles away, but they lived two doors down. Wishing you patience and strength.

  9. ThriftoRama Says:

    Two doors down, MEC? That's brutal!

  10. ThriftoRama Says:

    Aw. As expected, the MIl called from a hotel room 2 hours from here last night, which means she'll be invading as early as 9 a.m. A day early. DH was angry, and told them he asked them to come on the 23rd, and they said "What? We're no trouble. Why are you mad?"

    MIL then claimed she left early for fear of "the weather." Nope. No bad weather. Unseasonably warm and calm. DH said "My mother always invents weather."

    Let the games begin!

  11. ceejay74 Says:

    Game on! Calm, meditation, and come here to vent. You can live-blog your adventure--I'll get the popcorn ready! Wink

  12. ThriftoRama Says:

    Well, so far, the MIL mentioned how surprised she was that we were "in a tizzy" about their early arrival, and DH said, well of course we are, and she was clearly mad and grumped. Said nothing though...

  13. creditcardfree Says:

    I like that your husband is helping stand up to her! Hang in there!!

  14. Petunia 100 Says:

    I know I am late to the party, but I think you should call her on her $hit. Why try to pretend her behavior is acceptable when it is clearly not? As The Eagles once sang "So many times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key."

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