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Ugh. Advice please.: Thrift-o-rama
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Ugh. Advice please.

July 15th, 2012 at 11:33 pm

So. I try to be neighborly, but I'm at the end. At our last house we were good friends with all of our neighbors. At our new house, we and one house have an adjoining back yard with no fence. They have two sons who are about 5 and 7 years older than my sons. I thought it was going to go well, but over the last year, things have soured.

Their boys alternate between friendly and mean to my sons, and they are not always but regularly disrespectful and lippy to me. They come over here, break my son's toys, kick balls into neighbors yards then tell me it's my problem not theirs. They do not respect or listen to adults. Of course my sons adore them because they are big kids, and imitate everything they do.

There have been stretches where they have been at my house in my yard for hours, every night for weeks at a time with neither of their parents in sight.
Recently, the mom, who doesn't work, has taken to letting her kids play in my yard while she mows hers. Um yeah. I'm not a free babysitter lady. I have two preschoolers, a job, and deadlines. no offers to ever return the favor.

Yesterday, they installed a trampoline smack dab in the middle of the open space between our yards. I can see it from every single part of my half-acre back yard. It is literally touching my property line.

This alone isn't the issue. They then immediately came over to tell me that our sons were NOT allowed to play on it. Ever. (even though they play on one at their grandparents once a week.). So, there are my two crying 2 and 4 year olds watching every other kid in the neighborhood but them bouncing and laughing, right at the edge of their own back yard, and yet they aren't allowed to play.

A lot of arguing, kicking, and screaming has been happening in my house since they put it up. We have had to avoid being in our own backyard because my kid's feelings are so hurt.

The neighbors 7 year old even had the nerve to tell me "We should go buy our own unless we're too poor."

So yeah. I'm miffed. I think it's time to pay the money and put up a fence and be done with these people. I feel like this is the last straw. I have other priorities for my money, but I think a fence is money well spent. I don't want my kids hanging out with these mean boys anymore, and I don't need the heartache of thoughtless parents treating us the way they do. I shouldn't have to pay a penalty because they put up a trampoline (and yes, they could have put it where my kids couldn't see it, but they didn't.).

Is spending money on a fence a good move? Or am I overreacting. And I have attached a pic for your consideration!

25 Responses to “Ugh. Advice please.”

  1. Petunia100 Says:

    Why do people have to be so hateful? I would definately not want the neighbor boys playing with yours. You don't want your kiddos picking up their rude, disrespectful behavior.

    I think a fence is probably a good solution. Not just for the trampoline, but for sending the boys over for you to watch for hours on end.

    Also, consider a trampoline. Smile

  2. Thrifty Ray Says:

    That is terrible of your neighbors. Although it is frustrating, I would opt to put the fence up. I have a fence on my property and it provides privacy, security and a safe place for my dog. Be prepared that the fence may not solve the entire issue, but may give you a little more peace in your yard. Frown

  3. patientsaver Says:

    Yes, BUY THE FENCE.

    did they give you a reason as to why your kids weren't to play on the trampoline?

    Fences make good neighbors. Or at least keep bad ones at bay.

  4. Analise Says:

    My first suggestion is to talk to the parents to find out why your children may not use the trampoline. It could be they think they are too young. Then mention the trampoline will have to be moved since you are planning to put up a fence.

    Yes, I definitely would put up a fence and limit the time your boys spend around these older boys as they are not a good influence. Clearly, their parents do not share your parenting skills or values. If the neighbor boys are this mean and ill-mannered now, wait a few years. They will be insufferable.

  5. ThriftoRama Says:

    They said it was a safety issue. Who knows what the real reason is. The wife probably just doesn't want to deal with potentially watching my kids in her yard for a change.

    But in the past their sons have been hot and cold on sharing toys with my sons. It seems they always demand to play with my sons' toys, but refuse to share theirs. That may be the issue here again. I understand not wanting little kids tagging along is normal, but it's to an extreme.

    I thought I was being ridiculous, so it's nice to have some back up.

  6. baselle Says:

    One word: FENCE. They sound like whats-yours-is-mine and whats-mine-is-very-mine.

    I would also make sure that the fence is right at your property line.

    Rude, disrespectful boys tend not to improve with age, if you know what I mean. As the neighbor boys turn teenage, I'd also have 9-1-1 on speed dial. Protect your pets, and keep a watchful eye on them. Don't worry that the fence will shield you from them, it probably won't, but it will define your property better - if the boys scale the fence, its very easy to dial 9-1-1.

  7. Looking Forward Says:

    FENCE! A tall, sturdy, non-see-thru fence. Big Grin

  8. LuckyRobin Says:

    I would put up a fence, too, and if you can afford it, I'd go with the eight foot tall one as opposed to the six foot tall one, at least along the back property line. That way maybe your kids won't see them bouncing up and they won't probably being spying into your yard. And yes, they definitely need to move it off the property line. It shouldn't be on it in the first place.

    It probably is partially a safety issue. Really young children on a trampoline is pretty dangerous without direct supervision, and can be so with it. And she probably doesn't want to provide any supervision. Plus she is liable for anything bad that happens to any kid on that trampoline unless she makes parents sign wavers (we had one lady who did this before allowing any neighborhood kids on her trampoline).

    It is entirely possible she put it on the property line to have it away from her house so she doesn't have to listen to the kids on it. Sounds like her kind of lazy parenting. However it is also entirely possibly she is being a mean person who is trying to rub the trampoline in your kids' faces just to be spiteful.

    If those boys come over from now on, send them home. Your kids will survive without these awful playmates. They have each other and I'm sure there will be new friends of more appropriate ages soon. They do not need friends who are so disrespectful of both you, your children, and your possessions and property.

  9. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Get a fence immediately. Ask them to pay half since the trampoline is a hazard to your kids. Make sure it blocks out the trampoline. Do it fast even if they won't pay for half. These kids sound toxic and so do their parents.

  10. ThriftoRama Says:

    Gee guys. Thanks for all of the advice.

    Dh and I talked about this at length last night. We're sad that it has come to this because we're pretty easy going. But, we discussed the youngest son in particular, and came to the conclusion that his personality probably isn't going to magically change, and that his potential to harm our sons will only grow with time.

    I am planning to call the survey company out tomorrow to mark the property line. My plan so far is to put a 6-foot wooden fence (we're not allowed taller in our area) along the very back of the adjoining property lines. This section is wooded, and full of hazards.

    The neighbors use it as a junk pile for rusted fence and boards littered with nails because they don't want to pay for the garbage company to take it. That fence can run to a large maple tree at the edge of the opening where the trampoline is. At that opening, my plan is to plant fast growing upright arborvitae evergreens. They grow up to 10 feet tall, need little care, make great living fences, and there is no city height restriction.

    I understand safety concerns, but to put the trampoline in full view of my children, right next to their yard, and set the age restriction so mine are the ONLY children in the area not allowed on it? I am also an active supervisor. I never let my kids outdoors out of my site (in part because of fear of what her children will do to them...).

  11. Miz Pat Says:

    Sounds like a good plan. And when her kids come over, I would tell them they can't play with your children's toys or speak disrespectfully and then send them home if they do.

    And then, wait on the sales and buy your kids your own trampoline. No - just kidding.

    But sounds like they are rude kids and rude parents.

  12. Swimgirl Says:

    Just plain mean!

    Yep, get a fence. And then if the boys come over to your house, I would make sure to be "busy."

  13. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    I was just observing to my DH yesterday that our neighborhood sure has generated a bunch of thuggish teens. We've been here 19 years and I can see that it really was the ones who seemed to have little supervision and who were disrespectful from quite young who became the thugs. So yeah, protect your kids...I like your fence + trees idea.

  14. ThriftoRama Says:

    Now hubby and I are arguing about the fence. He says I'm being unreasonable and we just have to "parent" more to keep the kids separated. Um yeah. That's the problem. We parent, they don't, and we suffer.

  15. librarylady Says:

    My husband built a very large fence between us and our neighbors yard. He didn't like the neighbors we had at the time. He went so far as to put in a concrete base for the fence. The woman came over and asked him why he was digging a trench and he told her we were putting in a pond for alligators! We live in south east texas!
    You should have seen her mouth hit the ground.
    They didn't question us after that, or give us anymore trouble.

  16. rachel021406 Says:

    Fence for sure. Sounds like she got the trampoline so she would have a babysiter....she can just put her kids out there and not worry about it. I don't know why people have to be that way. I would rent a bounce house too and put it in your backyard for the day and not let their kids play in it. Just so maybe they could see the ridiculousness. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but some people need a kick in the pants.

  17. patientsaver Says:

    One of the few things i remember from my one year in law school is the law of adverse possession. It says tht if you allow a neighbor or someone else to use your property, ie your land, and you fail to say don't do it or do anything to assert your property rights, then after a period of somewhere around 25 years, the law says the land actually is owned by THEM.

    I know that sounds hard to believe, but the basis for this is that someone uses the property for a long period of time and the true property owner doesn't object, then eventually, it's theirs.

    So while i doubt this issue with the trampoline would go on long enough for anything like that to come into play, on PRINCIPLE you should assert your property rights.

  18. patientsaver Says:

    (This maybe explains it better than i did.)

    Adverse possession is a principle of real estate law whereby somebody who possesses the land of another for an extended period of time may be able to claim legal title to that land. The exact elements of an adverse possession claim may be different in each state.

    To prove adverse possession under a typical definition, the person claiming ownership through adverse possession must show that its possession is actual, open, notorious, exclusive, hostile, under cover of claim or right, and continuous and uninterrupted for the statutory period. These terms have special legal meanings as legal "terms of art", meaning that their definition for purposes of adverse possession law may be different from a definition you would find in a standard dictionary.

  19. snafu Says:

    Is there Easement between your two property lines? I too vote for fence & trees. I'd always be 'too busy' or explain they'd better play with older kids anytime they came to play; your DKs will not learn anything positive from those two boys.

  20. baselle Says:

    Whaaaa? Why is your DH fighting you on this? Your two sons - that the neighbor kids are insulting - are his too. If its cost, perhaps the friend DH loaned the money too could help you out a little. Apologies; my DH can tell you I fight dirty sometimes.

  21. ThriftoRama Says:

    HE says we need to parent our kids more, not put up fences. He says putting up a fence is a "dick move". I say everything they have done to us is a dick move.

  22. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Ahww, if your kids feel left out when they see others on the trampoline, set up an oscillating lawn sprinkler for your kids to play in. In this summer's heat, that would be more inviting than a trampoline anyway. Can you spare the water?

  23. SnoopyCool Says:

    I'm sorry your neighbors are being ugly. Been there, done that.

    I vote fence, and I would be sure that the trampoline is completely on their property - none on yours. If something happened to a child on that thing I can just imagine where people would try to lay blame for it, no matter how ludicrous it sounds.

  24. My English Castle Says:

    Hmm--Am I the only one who thought 'electric fence"?

  25. dtjunkie Says:

    A fence is well worth it. Your property will be much much better off for it in the long run.

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