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setbacks, setbacks...

December 3rd, 2010 at 02:14 pm

So, Little man was supposed to spend the night with grandma last night (and most of today), but disaster struck. I drove the hour to mom's only to get there and have her rush out the door to take her boyfriend to the ER. He had some bleeding and issues related to a surgery he had two weeks ago, and she didn't want him to go alone.

She told us to wait, so I got little man some dinner, tubby, and in pajamas. I let him stay up 2 hours late to wait for "grammy" because he really wanted to see her. She calls at 10 to say she's not going to make it home, so we should just head home. (He had internal bleeding, got home at 2:30 a.m and mom took him to his regular doctor today)

So, another hour driving home, and little man doesn't get to bed until 11 p.m., exhausted and overtired. And no grandma.

It's disappointing all around. The whole thing had me totally stressed out. My mom's boyfriend is 79, and in the back of my mind is always the thought that she is going to have her heartbroken when her sweetie dies all over again, sooner rather than later, because he is elderly. I don't want my mom to have to go through this again, since it's only been 2.5 years since dad died.

So, last night set off that part of my brain.

Then, I was so tired and frustrated to have spent the night driving back and forth for nothing, and keeping little man awake (he's crabby today because of it.) Mom takes him so I can work, and I really count on having that time.

So, This is the week when I actually have more work to do due to my extra gig, and I can't do it because I'm with two toddlers all day.

Life with kids is just so much harder than I ever imagined, and I imagined it would be pretty bad! I guess I didn't bank on the prolonged lack of sleep, or that it'd be so hard to get very basic things accomplished every day.

7 Responses to “setbacks, setbacks...”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    I really hope you aren't offended by this; I'm just thinking out loud. I think some people are great parents but not cut out to be full-time stay-at-homers, including me! One of my old college friends is always posting on Facebook that she's counting the minutes until her kids' bedtime, and I'm always tempted to say something. I treasure every second with my baby, but when I was on maternity leave I didn't; there were many days when I was watching the clock and desperately hoping the day would end.

    I've always loved my parents equally and (honestly) found my dad to be more interesting company. My mom stayed home with me full time and my dad worked. I never thought anything of it. My daughter absolutely loves daycare, and it's only a third of one of our salaries for her to go there. Now if this sweet-priced deal ever goes away, especially when we have two kids, I'll have to think long and hard about whether it's still a worthwhile investment. But since none of the three of us would be very good stay-at-homes, it would take a lot to make the decision for one of us to stop working and pull AA out of daycare. (One big thing is I know we'd want to get other things done, whereas my daycare provider's whole job is to pay attention to our kid. Even when she's doing other things, I know AA has other kids to interact with, but if she stayed home I'd be her only source of social interaction.)

  2. momcents Says:


    My ideas: a mother's helper (high school aged?) to come in and stay with the boys for a few hours while you work. Trade babysitting with another mom that you trust (though your work will increase when you've got her kids).

    This time of stress will pass. I'm sorry that your mom wasn't able to help you out as planned, but it sounds like she's had her own plate full with the bf's health issues.

  3. whitestripe Says:

    momcents idea of a helper is a good idea.
    Personally I have always been against daycare, simply because my mum was and kids tend to think like their parents (until they get older and wiser!Big Grin) but as I get closer to the time of having children myself, I've been listening to other people talk about their experiences. one that most stuck with me was our tattooist saying that his daughter actually BEGGED to go to daycare because she was bored and wanted to be around other kids. Because of that, I don't really favour one or the other now.
    My boss has two young children (boys, 3 and 5) and even though they have grandparents, a lady at my work who does not have grandchildren of her own has sort of 'adopted' them as hers, and is happy to take them out for a day every now and then. OBVIOUSLY you wouldn't do this with someone you don't know - but do you know anyone like that?

    As for your mum, it sounds like a tough time for her at the moment. It is a scary thing to have to deal with, and facing the prospect of losing someone you love is very upsetting. While she might be busy in the initial stages of his recovery, you might find that she DOES want people around her to distract her mind from the possibilities, and from the sound of your lovely rough-and-tumble boys Big Grin I am sure they will provide that. Try not to worry too much, I am sure things will work themselves out soon, and don't forget to take time out to just breathe every now and then. I know I sound loopy, but it's something we all forget to do. Smile best wishes.

  4. ThriftoRama Says:

    I'm not offended Ceekjay. It's true. I never wanted to be a stay at home parent. I hate it. Love Love Love my kids, but hate doing babies 24/7. That's why I have kept my hand in my career via freelance, so I at least get to use that part of my brain.

    That said, we can't afford full-time care for two kids. it would cost about $2000 a month. Right now, I pay $600 a month for about 15 hours a week of care for my 2.5 year old.

    Even if I wanted to go back full-time, there are no jobs. I am in a very troubled field--journalism. I left my last full-time gig when my dad became terminally ill and I found out I was pregnant. I had just lost my grandparents and knew that one thing you can't get back is time with your dead beloved. So, I mad the choice. Our plan was for me to go back once dad was gone, but by that time the recession hit hard, my company laid off 100 people, and they haven't hired anyone since. So, now full-time jobs for me unless we relocate, and that isn't happening.

  5. ceejay74 Says:

    That totally makes sense. I was just hoping you weren't beating yourself up because SAHM wasn't a role that was coming easily to you. Just because we're women doesn't mean that's necessarily what we're cut out for. In fact if one of us were to stay home and we got to choose which one, I'd consider my husband to be the most obvious choice. But if you can't find a job, it's a moot point.

  6. ThriftoRama Says:

    I should qualify that I probably could find a job, but not one that would be worth it. or, after taxes, etc. my take home really wouldn't be anything.

  7. ceejay74 Says:

    I'd do it if you'd be happier working at the job than being at home AND you wouldn't be worse off financially than you are now. If it's a financial wash but you're happier with your life, it might be worth it.

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