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I need serious advice

February 4th, 2010 at 08:32 am

So, hubby was asked to attend a "Global outsourcing" meeting today at work. I am hoping he still has a job when he gets home.

Here's the rub. If he gets laid off, he may have another job--in Houston. I am not a fan of Houston.

If we went there, we'd have no friends, no family, no babysitters and two kids under 2. Sounds like a nightmare.

So what do you do if that's the job you can get?

Do you move whole hog?
Do you send hubby there alone to telecommute?
Do you split your time 50/50 between here and there?

What are the options???
I hope we don't have to seriously think about this, but just in case, I want to have some ideas.

13 Responses to “I need serious advice”

  1. monkeymama Says:

    Why Houston? What other options does he have?

    My answer would depend on the long-term outlook. If Houston has more jobs, plain and simple, for the long term, I Would consider moving and starting over. If it's just "easy" or "temporary" I think he could "commute" for a while, while you firm up some long-term plans.

    My parents picked up and left everything they knew for a "job." But it wasn't the job - it was the long-term career prospects. & though hard at first, it has certainly paid off for them in the long run.

    Maybe take the job on a temporary basis, and then really evaluate your long-term options? See if there is anywhere else that would work for both of you?

  2. fern Says:

    Well, first, speaking as someone who's been out of work since last September, a job these days is no small thing. I would try to think of a move to Houston as a temporary thing. Who knows how long that job could last?

    If you moved there whole hog, I would rent a place first so you have time, like a full year, to get the lay of the land, see what are the better places to live and see if the job looks like it will become a long-term thing. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to find a house to buy and have the whole move thing going on, and the new job, too. Too much stress.

    Sending hubby there to telecommute sounds like it could put a strain on your marriage. I think you should stick together, whatever you decided to do.

    Splitting your time between your current home and Houston could be a possibility if Houston rentals are cheap and you can afford to carry both a rental and your current home, but if not, I'd do a wholesale move and plan to rent.

  3. momcents Says:


    No advice here from me, just sending you well wishes that DH still has a job and you don't have to deal with any of the above scenarios!

  4. thriftorama Says:

    I will clarify. Our house now is paid off, so no mortgage to carry, just maintenance and taxes. With the current market, we wouldnot be able to get out of it what we put in, so no profit in selling. We also live near my mom and sister, and friends with babies. I also have a friend who watches Bean twice a week so I can work.

    If we moved, bean would have no family no friends to play with and no sitters who genuinely love and care for him. We have friend with a baby down the street who were gracious enough to drop everything and take care of Bean when I went into labor at 1 a.m. Those things are huge to me.

    It would probably be good for his career. He is in tech, so you don't want to stagnate, but I don't want to leave a support network that is crucial to raising children.

  5. creditcardfree Says:

    As someone who has moved recently (three years ago), I completely understand not wanting to leave your support network. However, new support networks can and will be made. I've made two really great friends in my neighborhood and I'm not even that outgoing!

    I think splitting up a family is even harder than leaving a support network though, too. Living apart puts a strain on the marriage, which puts a strain on everything else!

    In your situation, I would probably have him take the job in Houston and come home as often as possible, financially and logistically. If the job is working out, I think you have to move to keep your family connected.

    My advice is based on the fact that he can't find any possible employment where you live. He could take the Houston job AND still look for employment in your current city. If it doesn't pan out, in a year, you move.

  6. Broken Arrow Says:

    Can you or have you scouted out Houston yet? Perhaps research online about group or social activities or networking that you can participate in?

    If you've done the research and you decided to stay or move, then I would suspect it would help you ease your mind regarding whichever decision you decide on.

    Sorry, rambling at work.

  7. gamecock43 Says:

    Wow- thats nerve wracking. I hope you hear something soon. I would not make desicions now- he might have job options here but has not thought about it. Personally if it came down to Houston or bust- I would send him down for 6 months to make sure the job was secure before moving myself down.

  8. Chris P. Says:

    Try not to borrow trouble because what you are worrying about may not happen.

    Two months after my husband and I married, he was offered a job out of state. We live about 5 hours from his family and about 8 hours from mine. I can say without hesitation that it was a good move for us, but we didn't have children at the time and we wanted to put some distance between us and our families. I can definitely understand your reluctance to throw away your entire life for a job. I think it may be a good idea for him to take the job in Houston and try it out before committing the whole family to moving. I would also encourage him to get his resume out just in case. Give yourself some time to get a handle on the situation before making any decisions that you will regret.

  9. 3in1energy Says:

    First I agree with those who have advised not to stress over what has not yet occurred. I will follow that however with a failure to plan is a plan to fail. I am a husband , father to 3, and grandfather/Papa of 10. All that , and under 50 believe it or not! So i have just a little life experience. Ha! If it becomes a reality to move to Houston I say embrace it. Under no circumstances should the family be split exept for needed time to move prepare ect. The number one priority is the marriage & relationship with the children both with Mom & Dad !! I dont know you personally, but for me without my faith in God & the amazing new friends i have connected to through our awesome church & business, life would be so much more difficult. Lets face it some people lift you up & encourage you while others suck life from you & stress you more with their own set of fears. I knew no one in Texas 30 years ago & now its my home & home to 99% of all friends. I travel to Houston weekly by choice to work with our business partners. Yes its big, but many great people & very nice areas. The beaches being only 1hr south are sweet too. I love the beach!! I recently wrote a blog called Finding Finacial Freedom in any Economy & discussed some of what your experiencing. The answers to freedom are all around us if we choose to look. Most people are stuck in a mindset that dicates all their decisions. Its not until they are older that they reflect & realize they should have risk much more, reflected much more & done much more that would live on after they are gone. Time is so precious & yes it is limited on earth though most live as if its unlimited. I would be happy to keep in touch by email, blog , facebook ect . My wife & I will keep you in our prayers!

  10. Sunshine Suz Says:

    Houston is not so bad. I'm a transplanted "Houstonian" from Oklahoma. Sure, it's big, but you really don't have to go "Down Town". There are lots and lots of suburbs on all sides of town with everything you could want or need. Lot's of them with young families like yours. Good luck with your decision.

  11. crazyliblady Says:

    Well, it doesn't sound like it will be easy for you no matter choice is made. However, one thing you may want to consider is that if he goes to Houston alone, you would be paying to maintain two residences - 1 where you currently are and 1 in Houston. Plus, it may be hard on your children - not to mention you - being away from him a lot.

  12. frugaltexan75 Says:

    If you do end up moving to Houston, I happen to know a wonderful mom of two (4 and 6) who is a stay at home mom - and I bet she'd be willing to befriend you and help out with your beans. (she and I have been friends since 1991!)

  13. swimgirl Says:

    We've moved a lot. A LOT! I think a lot depends on your attitude. We moved to more than a few different places where we knew NO ONE. I cruised the parks, libraries, walking trails and made friends. The first 9 months is the hardest, every time! But after around that point, I had lots of friends to watch kids. It had it's difficult moments, but we looked at each move as a new adventure.

    I started a playgroup and invited moms from my husband's work (he took fliers!)

    I joined a book club at the library and one at the local bookstore.

    I went to the library story hour every week with my toddlers. And I invited moms and babes to go to the park with us afterward, go grab an ice cream cone, whatever.

    I hung out at small, local, independent toy stores... let the kids play a while while I looked for moms who were doing the same thing. We chatted, and then I invited them to my new play group! (above)

    You can do it! It might be a wonderful experience!

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