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9 things that are helping me cope with my dad's death

July 28th, 2008 at 07:36 pm

I am feeling a profound sense of loss at the loss of my dad this month. So profound, it almost as if I can't even process it. But, I am coping. Here is how.

1. Knowing he is still with me. Your dad is always with you, even after he is gone. I know it's true every time I see an asparagus.

Dad's love of asparagus was bested only by his ability to spot a 4-inch tall asparagus growing against a fence post 100 yards away. Even when he was driving 60 miles an hour. Many Sundays on our way home from church, dad would spot one, bring the car to a screeching halt, and make my sister and I wade through a field full of ticks and weeds in our church clothes to go get it for him. Later that night, before I'd even managed to get all the burrs out of my hair, he had drowned that sad little pile of a half dozen asparagus in cream sauce and was eating them for dinner. I'll think of him every time I see one.

2. His entrepreneurial spirit.
I inherited it from him. He owned businesses my entire life. He treated his employees like gold. many times we went without a paycheck so his employees wouldn't have to do without. And when times were good, he took all of his workers on vacation with us. I will honor his memory by running my own businesses and doing the same for the people who work for me.

3. My son. I am sad that dad didn't get more time with his grandson, but I am happy they did meet. Dad went into the hospital in Feb, when I was 7 months pregnant. He told me he knew he was dying. ( we didn't get the cancer diagnosis until June) I made him promise to hold on until he could meet the bean, and he did. I am forever grateful for that. Plus, the baby has really helped my mom get through this. He has really cheered her up and given her something to look forward to. He arrived just in time.

4. My mother. She is an inspiration. She has lost the love of her life, but is trying her best to keep living. I know she is sad, but she has always had a quiet strength. She reminds me that you have to keep on living even after you have lost someone you truly love. It's the only way to truly honor their memory.

5. Dad wouldn't want me to cry for him. Even after he found out he was dying, he had no concern for himself. When he got the news, he only said "Are you OK?" to my mother. He never complained, said "why me?" or anything. He only wanted us to be OK, to the very end.

6. I am my father. Some say you live on through your children. With me and dad it couldn't be more true. I look like him, I think like him. I am him, only younger and a girl. So in a way, he's not really gone at all.

7. The little things, too. Today, my hubby wore one of my dad's Hawaiian shirts to work. He didn't remember it was my dads, but I do. I was there when he bought it. It makes me happy to know that the things that made my dad happy are still out there every day being used. Not that stuff matters, but it does remind me of him in my everyday life. He will not be forgotten.

8. Dad's life is a reminder that life needs to be lived, to the fullest. This ordeal has been a reminder that life is short. You don't have forever with your spouse. That dream vacation can't wait another year. Your excuses for not doing things on your dream list are lame. The time is now.

For instance. My dad was a race car driver, played the accordian, owned bars and muffler shops, took us camping or someplace exotic on a vacation every year rain or shine. He played in a rockabilly band in the 1950s. My point: No excuses. Pursue all of your interests. It not only makes you happy, it makes you a more interesting person.

because of this, I've decided to stick around for another season of Roller Derby, sign up for a jewelry making class, and the hubby and I are finally committing to taking that two-week trip to Mexico we've been talking about for 6 years!

9. My dad loved his family. It makes it easier to know my mom and dad were in love until the very end, without regrets. 39 years together. They laughed a lot. It reminds me that I take after him, and that my marriage is similar to my parents, and I can learn from it. We laugh a lot too.

9 Responses to “9 things that are helping me cope with my dad's death”

  1. snoopycool Says:

    Thanks for sharing this with us. It is important to remember what really counts and live every day. Seems as though your dad never forgot that. I'm glad that he is still with you and to know that you will see him again.

  2. compulsive debtor Says:

    Your dad sounds like a great guy!

  3. joesbaby Says:

    your post made me think. I can only hope when i pass, my children remember me as youve remembered your father. thank you.

  4. aevans1206 Says:

    I feel for you. My father is very ill as well. I'm glad you and your mom have the baby to help you get through this. I know your father is smiling down from heaven on all of you Wink

  5. debtfreeme Says:

    This was lovely and brought tears to my eyes as i read it.

  6. luxlivingfrugalis Says:

    My deepest sympathies on the loss of your Dad! I went to see mine yesterday which I don't get to do often enough anymore because of gas prices.

    Number 6. We're the same way. They seriously call me Junior. We finish each others sentences and I can accurately tell you what he'll answer in most all situations.

    Your post was a testament to a wonderful man! Thank you for sharing during such a trying time.

  7. HELPmeFind Says:

    Reading this post reminds me of my dad. He died when I was 16 years old. I will never forget him. He never got to see any of his grandchildren, but I know he is looking down on us now and is proud of me.

  8. Gratitude Says:

    Thank you so much for your post. I came across it by total accident. My dad is dying from stage four adenocarcinoma...the cancer has spread to his kidneys, bladder and colon. He doesn't have much time.

    Your post was an absolute GIFT. It is good to know that there are people out there who feel the same as I do right now. My dad and I are very alike and I am wondering how I will feel when he is gone. I have feared that I will lose a giant piece of myself. I have a son who is three and I fear he will never remember my father. But I know Dad and I are enough alike that he will know him through me.

    Thank you for posting your thoughts and feelings here so people who are hurting can come and know they are not alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Especially touching to me were numbers 2, 3, 6 and 7. I couldn't have said it better myself!

  9. Blake Says:

    Im having a troubled time myself with my dads death. I am only 13 and he died June 9th 2012. He died of a bloodclot the therapist cause. I went to the ER to see him and he was sleeping. They said he had a 10% chance of living. My mom and dad were divorced and i was getting ready to see him. I was a leader at vacation bible school and it litterally had about 3 minutes left. I was going to call him to ask if i could spend the night. The director lead me in another room and told me he was in the ER. i went to see him and he only had 10%. I couldnt sleep that night and prayed all night, got 1 hour of sleep. I was woken by my grandparents and i was thinking 100 thoughts through my head all at once. they told me they couldnt do anything. I know what your going through and if yo need anything know that he is there with you and this did help me tremendously. thank you. -Blake

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