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DS1 wants his own room, ADD, medical bills, etc.

July 9th, 2017 at 02:26 pm

Just a few odds and ends.

So far, my Big C medical bill tally:

$1300 in copays before surgery (paid)
$53 to the CTI scan (paid)
$252 to the anesthesiologist (mailing check tomorrow)

Bills are just starting to come in. Worse, are the "This is not a bill" papers with itemized lists of every rinky dink thing you used in the hospital. But no indication of what it costs or what you'll pay. Gar. Why can't I be Candian or European?

I've started spending my $500 home improvement budget, and so far, things are coming in less than expected!

I budgeted $25 to replace broken cereal bowls, but managed to get what I needed at Ikea for $9. I spent that 'extra' $16 on a replacement part for the dishwasher. The rack wheel broke! So, another project on the list, but no more budget spent.

I budgeted $40 for dish and bath hand towels, but spent $12 for 11 new ones, and I think those will get us by for a while. So that's $28 that can go to another project.

I also started looking for fabric to slipcover the ugly chair, and realized if I use fuzzy throws and blankets, which are super soft and comfy-- and just also happen to be large pieces of fabric for less than the per yard cost at the fabric store-- I can get it done for about $40. Which would be awesome.

Of course, my 9-year-old threw a wrench in my plans by giving me a sincere and heartfelt plea for why he should move into his own room. That's always been the plan. He shares with his 7-year-old brother right now, and has for four years. We have a 'toy' room that was always designated as his bedroom once he hit puberty.

I guess he didn't want to wait for puberty. And, the more I'm reading about 9-year-olds, the more I understand this is the phase when they want privacy, and independence, and something of their own. And frankly, since they are only 19 months apart and it's been easier for us and they didn't mind until now, they've shared EVERYTHING for years. Friends, activities, same school, same room, even share clothes because they are the same size.

I just feel bad I didn't realize all this until DS1 said something.

So yeah, we agreed. It's time for them both to have their own space and their own identity.

After some calculating. Furniture wise, We can have the toy room transformed into pre-teen boy hang out for about $300. This includes a loft bed frame, his homework desk, mattress (the bunk beds will stay together in their current room, for DS2 and guests), and any other odds and ends.

I haven't been spending much lately, so we should be able to swing this out of cash flow in the next two weeks or so.



**
I am feeling a little better every day, post surgery. It's been 3 weeks, 2 days? Last night, I could finally sleep on my side comfortably. Yay!

I'm also going to spend some time weeding the garden today.Gah! Something always happens in June that lets the weeds get away from me. and as much as Dh promises every spring that he's all about the garden and will help and weed, he never does.

Sigh. I did not marry a fix-it or do-it man. Pretty much everything outside of his job, and folding osme laundry, I do. I fix, I grow, I paint, I maintain, and honestly, it's overwhelming. And I'm not that good at it, so it's death by a thousand cuts of broken things around here!!

He isn't doing it to be a jerk. We realized through the journey of discovery of our youngest son's severe ADD that he got it from his dad. So many things in our relationship made sense after figuring that out.

Anyway, part of that is obliviousness to details, 'forgetting' to do things you've been asked to do (They have good intentions, but anything that isn't immediately in front of them doesn't exist, ergo easily distracted and forgetful.)He even forgets full conversations had only hours before AND big chunks of our past 15 years together.

Anyway, I'm not mad about it. It's the way his brain works. But, with my being out of play for a month this summer, and watching the world crumble without all the drudge work I do every day, it got me thinking it's time to figure out a way to simplify our lives, minimize the 'things' we need to take care of, in order to take workload off of me.

The help isn't coming, so it's time to figure out what can stay, what can go, and what can be reconfigured to make it easier for me to do on my own.

Like the garden. Maybe it's time to ditch the complicated raised beds that are hard to mow around and that I have to spend hours weed-whacking, and just do straight rows that I can mow around? And then maybe fewer rows, since the boys don't really help much with maintaining once the novelty of spring has passed?

As for indoor tasks, we are making the boys do much more for themselves since I can't. It's actually been good, because I did too much for them anyway, and they're old enough to take care of more.

Just thinking out loud!

6 Responses to “DS1 wants his own room, ADD, medical bills, etc. ”

  1. snafu Says:

    Your progression through the stages or recovery sound amazing to me. I think it's a good idea to have DH and DSs each do age appropriate chores with specific, detailed instruction, leadership and tons of praise from you as support. Your guys will need some level of both home and team skills going forward... to summer/daycamp, middle school, university and beyond. You might devise a basic 'chore chart,' some activities benefit family

    Best of all our guys got the concept of money results from work and relationship between spending choices to how many hours of work is needed! It saved a lot of hargy bargy coping with teen years.

    I don't know if you've read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up [M Kondo], likely available online at your library. Concepts are unusual but likely helpful if you go forward with your plan to give DS 1 a room of his own.

  2. snafu Says:

    sorry, dropped a paragraph...trying to say some chores are paid providing their is agreement, done within a specified time frame, and most important completed! It could include gardening, tightening and replacing screws, prepping for painting, even washing floors all with very specific instructions and tons of praise.

  3. rob62521 Says:

    I'm glad you are feeling better. I think $300 is a low price to pay for helping your son feel better and have some alone time.

    It is interesting how life throws things at you that you decide what really is worth the trouble, isn't it?

  4. ThriftoRama Says:

    Exactly ROB. Things going south seems to be the only thing that makes modern people stop and reassess!

    Snafu, thanks for the tips. I have read that book. I have minimized most of our 'stuff' now I'm moving on to the advanced course and thinking about how we can do that same level of minimizing with our time commitments and responsibilities!

  5. Carol Says:

    Do you mulch your beds? I used to use salt marsh hay in raised beds and it worked well.
    In regards to your overall problem of not being able to handle it all, I sympathize totally. It is easy to take on more than you can realistically do yourself. It may help to think of what's important in this season of life and realize that something that doesn't work now, may be very doable when the it's are older.

  6. Carol Says:

    Edit: when the boys are older.

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