Hubby informed me last night that we are giving $5,000 to his best friend, who needs help to save his house. I get why he wants to do it. They've been friends since age 14, this guy has no family he can turn to, and he is always helping other people out. That said, he's been in way over his head with this house since he bought it. He alwasy had some weird loan situation working and thought he could refinance his way out of a mess. We all know times have changed. His house is in San Francisco, he's put 110k into a renovation.
He needs the money to pay $3800 in property taxes and $1200 to finish off the last little projects. He plans to either sell it or refinance in the next 90 days, assuming it's all done. He says he'll pay us back then.(I'm doubtful. He's assuming he's able to refinance, or that he can make money if he sells it. Both are dubious)
I know it took a lot for him to even ask us. hubby says we should make pay back a non issue. Basically, it's a gift. So, the money has been wired.
I'm not happy about this. That money was our downpayment for a new car, which we need desperately. We have no safe, reliable car to transport our kids.
Plus, we always end up bailing out friends and family who manage their money poorly or with the idea that somehow it will magically all work out okay some day. We are fairly conservative. Saving, no debt, etc. Trying to build up funds to hedge against the unexpected. In reality, that's just made us the people that magically DO make things okay for the people who didn't plan. Ergo, we aren't getting ahead.
This will knock me back 5,000 more on my savings goal for the year, so basically, I'm right back where I was Jan. 1, after 6 months of scrimping. I scrimp. What can't everyone else?
I'm getting really tired of being the bank.
Square 1, here I come
June 24th, 2010 at 08:37 pm
June 24th, 2010 at 08:39 pm 1277411994
June 24th, 2010 at 08:47 pm 1277412421
June 24th, 2010 at 08:55 pm 1277412940
What's worse, it's causing you to drive an unsafe car with small children.
And I'm sorry, he INFORMED you that he's doing this? He didn't consult you first?
So yes, if I was in your shoes, I would be quite upset too. Very upset.
What kind of car are you currently driving? How much would it take for you to get into a safer car?
June 24th, 2010 at 08:56 pm 1277413006
June 24th, 2010 at 09:15 pm 1277414111
June 24th, 2010 at 09:17 pm 1277414279
I can't imagine $5k would help much when I think of the expense of owning a home in SF. It's like money down the toilet, if you ask me. The intention is good, but the end result doesn't look so rosy. I'd be tired of it too.
June 24th, 2010 at 10:58 pm 1277420321
Good luck!!
June 24th, 2010 at 11:34 pm 1277422485
June 25th, 2010 at 12:41 am 1277426487
Hubby technically asked, but it was clear it meant the world to him to do this for his best friend, whom he considers a brother. I know the guy, and he is a good person, but you know, I had plans for that cash.
We do still have money in the bank, but I try to hold on to as much as I can for emergencies. Yes, having two kids under two and with the recession and lay-offs at hubby's job, I want to keep as much as possible.
That said, I had set aside $5,000 for a car down payment. We NEED a car for the family. We drive a 1998 Honda Civic Hatchback (great car, but try getting the kids in and out of that...) with no AC. The "family" car is a hand-me-down 1998 Chrysler Concorde. It is a death trap. The brakes have gone out twice-- once almost killing hubby on his way home from work. Luckily the second time it was discovered in the driveway. We're lucky no one is dead. This car requires serious expensive repairs often and just keeps getting worse. We planned to go car shopping this weekend, but have now postponed it a month so we can save more downpayment.
It's just frustrating because we play it safe and when our friends/family who magically think things will just work out and don't TCB get into trouble, they come to us because they know we have money. Well, guys, we have money because we don't think things magically happen. Although, they do for our friends because we step in to save them from disaster.
We aren't going to be destitute, but it's frustrating. I have a to-do list on my house that is long because I feel like we can't afford it, so to give the money to someone who is fingers crossed hoping to sell or refinance to get out of a jam, well it hurts. I could use that money to remodel my basement or get the new electrical system we need. but no... a friend needs it to bail himself out, so it's just gone, and I'll have to save up for another 6 months or year to spend as much on my own house.
June 25th, 2010 at 03:49 am 1277437751
June 25th, 2010 at 04:49 am 1277441380
June 25th, 2010 at 04:54 pm 1277484846
July 2nd, 2010 at 07:34 pm 1278099251
Jerry
July 14th, 2010 at 07:32 am 1279092766
We have given money away too. It sucks when you know you are giving it to someone who put themselves in the crappy situation that they're in. DF and I paid for an emergency ceasarean section for DF's fathers dog who was having puppies and things weren't going well. It was either pay, or lose the beloved family dog and her pups, which our dog had fathered. There was of course no question about it, and we paid the $650 without a blink. DF's dad could have paid for it - if he stopped spending so much money on meals out, gambling, weekend trips away and alcohol. :S
I had to pay for my best friends groceries one week (though she did pay me back) because she lives paycheck to paycheck each week, and her work was late putting in the wages. I don't think I've ever lived paycheck to paycheck and I don't really understand why people get themselves to a place like that (I'm not talking about when people live paycheck to paycheck because of elements they can't control, like medical expenses etc).